Abuse

Characteristics of an Abusive Relationship

One of the main characteristics of an abusive relationship is control, when one person is doing something to control the behaviour of the other and it becomes entrenched. This can be done by force or manipulation – both control the other’s behaviour. Often there is an abusive pattern for one or both partners from their backgrounds, abusers have often been victims themselves.

Some relationships are pathologically abusive with a sadistic systematic undermining of one partner. Friends and relatives might look on in alarm as a pattern emerges. The more entrenched the behaviour the less likely it can be reversed but the resulting worthlessness felt by the abused may see them unable to break free or so lacking in confidence they become totally dependent.

In most relationships one person may be dominant or more forceful. But when the needs of one partner cannot be considered the relationship may become abusive. Abuse can surface slowly, initially even welcomed as jealousy or insecurity, leading the partner to feel needed and wanted – and dependent. Often these characteristics arise from an intense need for love and affection and initially seem to enforce the victim’s worth. Usually abuse progresses, leading to the isolation and vulnerability of one partner and total control by the other. Usually the end result is one of destruction.

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